Porcelain
by 1954
Summary: SASUKExNARUTO. ONESHOT COLLECTION. Naruto decided he liked Sasuke best when his hair was soaked with sweat and plastered against his forehead as he moved above him.
1. Cockatoo

Sorry to my Kingdom Hearts readers but Axel and Roxas are no longer my OTP. The KHII stories may or may not be discontinued.

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**Cockatoo****  
Rated M; canon  
****Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon.

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Naruto decided he liked Sasuke best when his hair was soaked with sweat and plastered against his forehead as he moved above him. Naruto would run his fingers through the strands that had fallen out of their gelled perfection to pull him closer until their lips touched softly. Naruto loved the vulnerability that seemed to radiate from the usually stoic Uchiha Sasuke when his hair was freed from its ridiculous cockatoo spikes that only he could pull off without looking like a complete idiot. 

Naruto sighed happily as his hands roved through the gel-hardened raven locks. He gently raked his fingers through the congealed tangles as he parted his lips to accept Sasuke's persistent and very talented tongue. He moaned into the kiss as Sasuke explored every crevice of his mouth, their tongues initiating the dance they were both so familiar with.

Naruto was the one to pull away, out of breath and breathing harder by every passing second only to have his breath hitch in his throat for the thousandth time that day when Sasuke's teeth grazed his collarbone and a particularly well-aimed thrust found the spot that made his vision explode in white and brought him that much close to the edge of incoherence.

Tanned hands tightened their hold on raven locks as Naruto urged Sasuke to go faster in a broken, lust-filled croak. Uchiha Sasuke was only too happy to comply. Lips met again and neither cared about the blood staining the sheets or the sweat rolling down their bodies. They were caught up in each other and neither was able to break away, not even for a much needed breath. It wasn't their first time together but every time felt like the first time all over again with their doubts, their insecurities, their overwhelming feeling of how _right_ every touch, every kiss felt.

Hazy, clouded blue eyes stared up into black oblivion as they moved together without words other than broken sounds vaguely resembling each other's names. They moved together until the universe exploded behind their eyes as white hot ecstasy raced through their bodies, leaving them limp and tired but sated and happy.

Sasuke didn't bother pulling out of Naruto as he collapsed on top of him. Neither of them moved as they simply struggled to learn to breathe again.

Naruto's hands were still caught in Sasuke's hair. He gently pulled at the spikes, trying to mold them back into their original shapes as pale fingers traced the spiral seal around his navel. Despite how much he loved Sasuke with his hair down, he also did not want others to see this Sasuke. He wanted this vulnerable porcelain Sasuke to belong to him only. Others will have the avenger, the Uchiha heir but Sasuke – just _Sasuke_ – in his most natural, tousled, post-orgasm state belonged to Naruto alone.

He smiled gently as he tugged Sasuke's face up to his own. The kissed they shared ended all other kisses. Soft and sweet with lips barely touching, they told each other everything they felt at that moment. With a fleeting clash and dance of tongue and teeth, Naruto told Sasuke how perfect everything felt, how much he loved him; _let's just stay like this forever_.

When they got up hours later, they turned their backs and dressed silently. Naruto winced as he pulled on his pants. By the time he limped across the room for his shirt, Sasuke was already dressed and his hair was back in its original cockatoo spiked perfection. He was Uchiha Sasuke, the avenger, his _teme_ and rival again. He was no longer just Sasuke and he no longer belonged to Naruto until they met again in a thro of passion and lust and confusion and love. They were no longer lovers but rivals again.

It always ended like this. They could not afford to have their relationship known in Konoha. Sasuke's quest was too important to be jeopardized by feelings and relationships. Sasuke would not be able to live with himself if his brother found out he cared about Naruto and used him to get to Sasuke. They both knew and understood that. Naruto smiled sadly and turned to leave.

A barely audible whisper reached his ears as his hand touched the doorknob.

"I love you."

He paused. Sasuke had never said that out loud before. And before Naruto knew what he was feeling, much less saying, he found himself whispering the same back.

"I love you, too."

The door shut softly behind him and they were _teme_ and _dobe _again.

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**Review please.** This will probably turn into a collection of one-shots. 


	2. Primary

**Primary**  
**Rated M; AU  
Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

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Fingers and blunt nails struggled to find perchance on soft skin as their lips were bruised and crushed together. Tan fingers fisted in their usual place amid a tangle of onyx silk locks hardened by gel and perfection. Pale hands cupped a smooth sun-kissed jaw marred with whisker scars and framed by flaxen strands. 

Their embrace felt like the most natural and most aberrant thing in the world.

They felt complete in each other's arms and yet, waves of overwhelming guilt, foreboding, and insidious sin threatened to engulf them with every kiss, every caress. The guilt was tantalizing, the foreboding a mere force to be reckoned with and reckon they did. The sin prompted them further than they have ever gone before; its forbidden boundaries made their union all the more sweet and addicting.

Blue eyes glazed and darkened with lust as lips and teeth and tongue found the pulse racing on his throat and began to suck. The fingers in those ebon strands tightened to the point of being painful as he threw back his head to allow the administrator of those sinful actions more access.

They both knew it was wrong but they simply could not stop. If it were any other time, any other situation, they might have been together but fate was never one to be kind.

The raven snorted. He did not believe in fate.

Clothes fell off bodies and scattered onto the floor, carelessly thrown off and disregarded in favor of skin. The blonde hissed as his back connected with the cool tiles of the bathroom wall; the cold of the porcelain shocked his heated skin. He found himself pushed further up along the partition and raised his legs to straddle his lover's waist. He extracted his hands from blue-black spikes and instead clung onto the broad shoulders of the man he loved.

They hung precariously onto each other as they kissed. Tongues met and feelings were exchanged in ways that words could not possibly do. The sweet finality of the atmosphere made them desperate and sluggish, dragging every moment out until it could be stretched no more.

When they became one, tears threatened to fall from their eyes as they stared at each other, unable to look away. The finality of everything ate at the edges of their minds, threatening to strip them of their sanity, their humanity to be replaced by pure animalistic instinct and lust and nothing more. Their last time was slow and fast, sweet and brutal, everything they were and everything they wanted.

It did not last long enough – nothing good ever did.

They collapsed onto each other and slid down along the wall to rest at the crook where partition met floor. Neither cared that the floor was cold and they were both still naked. Tears began to make a steady stream from blue eyes, making the heart of the man looking into those eyes clench painfully – eyes that blue, blue like the sky should never cry. Such an azure sky would not and should not ever rain.

Pale fingers reached out to gently wipe away the rivulets, followed by lips that kissed away the drops that threatened to form.

A low chuckle echoed around the small bathroom as the blonde fell into hysterics, the tears coming more frequently, clashing with the harsh humorless laughter that bubbled from his throat and overflowed over his tongue and mouth. He was abruptly silenced when strong arms wrapped around his shaking shoulders, reducing his raucous outburst into quiet sobs.

He didn't have to say anything. The other understood. He always did. That was why the raven didn't say anything either. Words were simply irrelevant.

When the sobbing finally quelled, they were Naruto and Sasuke again. They had names and identities and obligations once more, no longer nameless freedom fighters in a world that only existed in their minds, where names meant nothing. Sasuke belonged to Sakura again and Naruto was once more their goofy, klutzy middleman, the third wheel, the best friend.

Naruto smiled bitterly and told Sasuke flippantly that he would be late for his own wedding. The pain at hearing those words, however light they were leave Naruto's lips tore another strip from Sasuke's already ragged heart and impounded on him the finality and reality of the situation.

They dressed silently and walked down the corridor to the altar together. Sasuke wished he was about to walk down the aisle with Naruto instead. Perhaps at the altar, if he squinted his eyes enough and tilted his head in the right angle, the pink hair would turn into molten gold, green eyes into blue and the smooth round face into sharp, scarred cheekbones. He would be able to delude himself once more.

He tried to smile back as Naruto offered him an encouraging grin, his normally vibrant blue eyes blank and glassy. Naruto stepped behind Sasuke at the altar in his position as best man when the ancient organ began to play the wedding march.

Sasuke couldn't hear the timeless notes. The only sound roaring in his ears was the deafening cracks of his heart shattering into a million pieces. He knew Naruto heard the same thing. 

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**Review please. **Thanks for all of the support in the last chapter!


	3. Home

**Home**  
**Rated K+; canon  
****Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update and sorry that this one-shot is not one of my best.  
However, I do have a work-in-progress, based on the last chapter, "Primary" due to popular demand. That will be out as soon as I put together my ideas and finish the first chapter.

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The next time they met was at the same place where they had became friends and later, so much more. 

Naruto had taken to visiting Team Seven's old training grounds daily. In hopes of what, he did not know and could not possibly fathom. He told himself everyday that he was there waiting for Sasuke but he had long since given up hope that Sasuke would return to Konoha alive. Even though Sasuke did promise him that he would come back – for _him_ but Naruto was not so naïve as to disregard the odds stacked against his best friend.

If Itachi did not kill Sasuke yet, surely the ANBU stationed at the entrance of Konohagakure would. They would not let an S-Class (certainly, Sasuke had to be as much by now) missing-nin enter the village unscathed.

And yet – foolishly, without fail, Naruto would enter the abandoned training grounds every afternoon to sit under the tree where his first lesson with Kakashi had taken place.

Everyday, Naruto would sit and stare over the overgrown weeds and grasses of the field, lost in old memories, waiting.

He would conjure up phantoms and apparitions. He would imagine Sasuke next to him, alive, still beautiful, still ethereal, still the _teme_ he knew before revenge had monopolized his mind and turned him into a beast.

Naruto would smile faintly as he remembered Team Seven's training sessions. He remembered the spars between the three team members and the lazy, ever-late sensei. He remembered his spars with Sasuke. He remembered his friendship with Sasuke. And, he remembered his love with Sasuke.

From enemies to rivals to friends to lovers, he mused. He could never get over that thought completely, no matter how many years ago it had been.

Naruto would also remember the unpleasant memories, the painful recollections that he could not will himself to push away. He remembered Sasuke's initial frigidity. He remembered Sasuke leaving. He remembered lying on the ground, bleeding, and half dead as he watched Sasuke walk away, leaving behind nothing but a slashed hitai-ate and a broken Naruto.

Sitting under that same tree eight long years later, Naruto still smiled faintly at his memories. Often, he would imagine Sasuke sitting next to him, older and even more beautiful if that was even possible.

He would see Sasuke, tall, lean and muscular, radiating a godly aura of power. His hair would've grown longer, brushing against his shoulders but still sticking up stubbornly in his trademark cockatoo spikes.

He would imagine Sasuke holding him, whispering comforting words, telling him he missed him, telling him he was sorry. Telling him he would never leave again. Telling him he still loved him.

Naruto leaned back against the cool, rough back of the same tree and closed his eyes. He ripped off his ANBU mask – a grinning fox – and clutched at his chest. It _hurt_ but by now, any sort physical pain paled in comparison to the pain of Sasuke's departure.

When his hand came away, he was faintly surprised at the amount of blood covering his fingers. He had been stupid. He should've known better than to be distracted by memories like that on a mission. He thought he'd long since known better than to think of anything else but the task at hand.

Now he would pay for his stupidity.

As the blood flowed from the wound in his chest, Naruto began to feel cold and couldn't help but wish someone – anyone would be there to hold him as he faded away. At the brink of the abyss that awaited him, he opened his eyes and was greeted by a dark figure kneeling in front of him.

He blinked and could not stop the tears from flowing from his eyes. He hadn't cried in eight long years – he thought he'd cried all of his tears _that_ day so long ago.

As he gasped his dying breaths, he saw Sasuke kneeling over him, mirroring the tear tracts running down his cheeks. He was right. Sasuke was older, taller and even more beautiful than he had been when they were children but most importantly, Sasuke was _alive_.

Naruto couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his dry, cracked lips. The irony – he was granted the wish he had clutched on to for the entirety of his life on his dying day.

"You came back," he rasped, smiling a real smile for the first time in eight years. "Welcome home, _teme_."

His last sight before he could hold his eyes open no more was Sasuke's tear streaked face and a pair of butterflies – a Monarch and a Holly Blue – flutter past, just beyond Sasuke's back.

"Yes, I came back for you." Naruto heard before he fell into eternity. "I'm home, _usuratonkachi_."

He relinquished his hold on reality and surrendered to the darkness waiting to claim him.

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**Review please!**


	4. Regret

**Regret**  
Rated K+; AU  
**Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

**A/N:** Concerning the last chapter, "Home," it had NO relation to the prior chapters – or rather, one-shots. None of these chapters have any relationship to each other and are to be analyzed and interpreted alone so **please do not confuse the chapters as part of a single plot.**  
Further clarifications: Yes, Naruto was an ANBU member and yes, he was careless during battle and therefore, got fatally wounded.  
Anyways, sorry for the lack of updates.

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"Wake _up_, Sasuke, you lazy ass!"

Said lazy ass rolled over and pulled the comforter higher over his head to block out the annoying voice. He mumbled something akin to "five more minutes," and went back to sleep.

"We're going to be late!" Naruto screamed into his right ear. Finding that to have no effect, he pulled the blankets away from the sleeping figure and pounced. Laughing, he wrapped his arms around a bleary Sasuke and kissed him. "C'mon, get up, _teme_. We're going to be really late."

"I don't want to go," Sasuke muttered. "I'd rather stay home with you. I can think of a lot of better things to do than to go to Neji and Tenten's baby's one-month banquet."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Me too but we have to. So get up." He sat up and leaned over his lover. "If you get up now, I'll make going to this party worthwhile for you later," he added suggestively. He started to get up off the bed but was halted abruptly when strong arms wrapped around his waist and tugged him back onto a broad chest.

"Make it worthwhile now and I'll consider it," Sasuke replied, smirking.

"We've just done it five times today before you took a nap, bastard," Naruto cried. "I'm still in pain."

"Che," Sasuke scoffed. "Whatever. I'm up."

After much fuss, indignant exclamations of "stop, Sasuke", two hours and a long car ride later, the pair finally arrived at the party. Tenten's parents, being Chinese insisted upon a big banquet in honor of their first grandson's one-month birthday. Naruto couldn't quite see the point in doing that – why not wait till the kid was a full year old? Sasuke explained to him with much eye-rolling that it was a Chinese tradition.

Sasuke sat sullenly at their table fiddling with a dyed-red egg as he took in his surroundings. Naruto had gone off to give their presents to Neji and Tenten.

The restaurant was almost blindingly bright with strobe lights that bathed the tables in a vivid fluorescent glow. It was packed full of their old friends, teammates and teachers from high school, people they had come to consider family over the years in the truest sense of the word.

Sitting across from him at the same table, Kiba Inuzuka, one of Naruto's best friends since junior high was giving his youngest daughter a bottle. His wife, Hinata Hyuuga, Neji's cousin laughed softly, her pale eyes twinkling happily as their son, four years old, offered her a red egg from his plate.

In the next table over, Shikamaru Nara sighed insufferably as his three year old son pulled on his ponytail while his wife Temari Sabaku reached over to deftly pluck the cigarette from his lips before the burning end touched the toddler. Chouji Akimichi and his wife, Ino Yamanaka with their three rotund and adorably pink children sat next to the couple. Chouji and his children were eating the red eggs and appetizers while Ino looked at them disapprovingly. Next to the two couples were Kurenai Yuhi and Asuma Sarutobi, two of their teachers from high school. The couple had been married for twenty years now and their son was entering junior high.

Several tables over, Kakashi Hatake and Iruka Umino, two more of their former teachers sat with their adopted daughter. Iruka suddenly jumped and swatted at Kakashi indignantly when a stray hand reached his backside. Jiraiya and Tsunade Sannin sat beside them laughing. At fifty years old, their children had long since grown up and had children of their own.

His dark eyes flicked over to where Naruto was chatting with Tenten and Neji. Tenten was beautiful in her red dress and Neji handsome in his dark suit. Both of them looked so happy that Sasuke couldn't help but feel a small pang of jealousy. Next to them were Rock Lee and Sakura Haruno; Sakura was one of Naruto and his closest friends. Lee was smiling proudly at his wife as she smiled back, glowing in her beautiful, pregnant state. His hand rested on her swollen belly – they were expecting their first child to be born in two months.

When Tenten handed Naruto the baby, his eyes widened in surprise and he grasped the infant with an expression akin to awe. Sasuke watched as Naruto gingerly offered a finger to the baby's tiny grappling hands. When the baby took hold of the proffered digit, Naruto's face split into the most beautiful smile Sasuke had ever seen. He looked so _happy _and Sasuke couldn't help but feel the smallest bit of jealousy directed at the baby who had made his Naruto smile so blissfully.

Sasuke couldn't help but stare enviously at these happy couples and their children. By being with Naruto, he knew he was sacrificing the chance to have an heir, a legacy to the Uchiha name. He would be the final Uchiha – his parents had died when he was young and his older brother had died several years ago. However, he had never regretted being with Naruto even though they could not possibly have children of their own.

Glancing over at Naruto and seeing his happy face as he lifted the baby high, Sasuke knew he would never have any regrets with choosing Naruto over a family. After all, his family was right here in front of him. All of these people were his family and he couldn't ask for anything better. Looking at Naruto once more, he knew he had made the right choice. It didn't matter that he would have no heir. Not as long as he had Naruto.

As though he had heard Sasuke's thoughts, Naruto turned and smiled even more beautifully for his lover.

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**Review please!**


	5. Free

**Free**  
**Rated M; AU  
Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

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The next time they see each other is in the next life. 

No matter what, Sasuke knows that Naruto will always be waiting for him in the next beyond. He doesn't know what or who he will be next but he knows that Naruto will always be there and he knows Naruto will always love him no matter what they do that time or what they do the times before that.

Sometimes, they die together in each other's arms. Sometimes, they die as martyrs, standing for their love when others see it as sin. Sometimes, they are each other's demise.

The first time they die together is in the Hidden Leaf Village – Konoha.

Sasuke has fully succumbed to the need for power. There is no other thought in his mind other than to kill Itachi but he knows he will never succeed. Itachi is always one step ahead, one level above him and always will be.

Naruto has finally given up his hope to be Hokage; he knows the village will never accept him as the Rokudaime. The monster inside him makes sure of that. The village hates him, fears him, and even his friends sometimes cringe at the red feral glare in his eyes even though they know he will never betray them.

Sasuke and Naruto meet in battle. They don't know why they were fighting but it simply feels natural – it almost feels like one of their childish spars again until it spirals out of control. By the time Sasuke and Naruto realize what they are doing, it is too late.

Sasuke chuckles, choking on his own blood, his hand coming out of Naruto's back. Naruto answers with his own bloody grin, his hand coming straight out of Sasuke's back. They die in each other's arms, whispering things that they had never said before, things that they should've said long ago.

The second time is in a world where machinery became a privilege, quickly progressing to liability and finally, to a menace. The government reins in the development far too late. The artificial beings are too powerful, too smart, too out of control.

Others have long since fled but Sasuke and Naruto fight together back to back, lasers in each hand. They aren't thinking of anything but each other as they stand to face their impending death, overtaken by the wave of living alloy and polymer and plastic.

They die together; their hands are clasped as they are torn apart by artificial life striving to live. They succumb to the darkness and blinding light with feelings of relief – even in this advanced world, their love is unaccepted, sinful, atrocious, and dirty. They feel a sense of relief as they die; they will have the chance to start over again. Maybe they will finally be free this time around.

In their third lifetime together, they are still slaves to society. They are still slaves to their love and to each other.

Naruto gasps at the feeling of the cold wall searing his skin as Sasuke pounds into him. Their harsh breathing echoes around the dingy room as they move together for the last time. Their movements are natural, practiced, and sure. They have done this many times before.

Naruto smiles at Sasuke as he pushes him higher against the wall, taking him deeper, faster. Sasuke smiles back. It is a rare genuine smile that never fails to make Naruto forget how to breathe.

They come together, their raw screams ripping through the still air. Open mouthed kisses and soft caresses reignite the passion and they start again. Naruto's back feels as though it is breaking and his spine feels as though it is splitting in half but he does not care. All he cares about is the way Sasuke moves inside him and the way he murmurs his name oh so lovingly.

They move together until the pills take effect and they slip back into the familiar oblivion they have become almost accustomed to. They die together, with Sasuke still buried deep inside Naruto and rigor mortis freezes their lover's dance for eternity until the earth claims their mortal flesh.

When they finally find peace, Naruto and Sasuke are tired. They are tired of their journey and they simply want to rest together. They finally find a world that is accepting of their love and they finally learn what it means to live life to the fullest.

As they glide across the mirror of the pond together, Naruto feels a sudden rush of happiness. He bumps against Sasuke playfully, initiating a game of catch-me-if-you-can. Sasuke gladly takes up the challenge and rushes after him. They swim around the pond together twice, nodding at the curious children gathered around the shore.

Naruto's heart soars when he hears one mother point him and Sasuke out to her daughter. The black and white swans, she says. They really love each other, see. Swans mate for life so these two are going to be together forever.

When they die of old age, they do not get another chance for they have lived life fully. Naruto and Sasuke are finally free.

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**Review please! **Take this one however you will. 


	6. Damned

**Damned**  
**Rated T; AU  
Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

**A/N:** Inspired by Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats."

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Naruto digs his keys into the silver convertible, ignoring the rational side of him that screams of how much the car is worth. He is too far gone to care. He grits his teeth as the high screech assaults his ears, reveling in the pain it is causing him. It does not even begin to compare to the pain that he is already feeling.

He drags his keys in a large swooping arch along its sleek metallic side, slowly and painfully carving his name into the chrome finish. He smiles sadly as he admires his handiwork. Seeing the etched name causes something else in him to shatter – he doesn't even know he has anymore left in him to break as he falls to the ground, and slumps against a tire he previously slashed.

This is how Sasuke finds him. His eyes widen briefly before his face is expressionless again. He does not comment on the damage done to his hundred-thousand dollar car and instead picks up Naruto, who does not have the energy to protest and carries him back to their apartment.

Inside, he finds a wreck. The expensive lamps are shattered, littering the carpeted floor with millions of shining shards, not unlike the current state of Naruto's heart. The leather couches and chairs are torn and Sasuke is reminded of wild animals.

Sasuke sets Naruto down on one of the better faring chairs. That is when Naruto opens his mouth to speak. He says only one word and he bites his lip as though if he doesn't, all the words, the pain, the anger will tumble out and he will regret it because it is bound to result into something he cannot take back.

"Why?" He feels a numbness creeping into his blood, freezing his heart over as he utters that single word in a broken tone.

Sasuke does not answer. And Naruto repeats the question with more fervor; the emotion is raw in his voice.

"Why? Why did you sleep with her?" Naruto chokes out. He feels like vomiting as he says the words and cannot bring himself to look at Sasuke's silent face. His fingers clench around the keys that are still in his hand and he presses hard against the metal, hoping to drive the numbness from his body. He almost sighs with relief when the numbness is replaced by pain and the warm, wet gush of blood.

Sasuke still does not say anything and instead walks to the bathroom for a wet towel for Naruto's hand.

Naruto cannot bear it any longer. Tears begin to roll down his cheeks and sobs begin to escape from his clenched lips. He bites down harder on his lower lip until that too bleeds. He refuses to believe that Sasuke, _his_ Sasuke is willing to throw away fifteen years of friendship and seven years of love for that _tramp_ but he forces himself to face the reality of the situation. He does not and cannot fathom his reasons and Sasuke does not offer any.

Naruto closes his eyes and the images assault his mind, his sanity but he cannot bring himself to banish the apparitions.

He writhes in the visions of his lover in bed with another. He wills himself to endure the pain of the discovery. He forces himself to live through the memory again and again until he feels like screaming.

He takes a shaky breath and does not even flinch when he sees Sasuke leave the apartment – and him, possibly forever, possibly to see _her_, possibly to leave him to die of a broken heart.

And he does.

The next morning when Sasuke comes home for his belongings, he finds Thorazine littered across the carpeted floor and his feet crushes the pills into fine powder as he walks further into the bedroom. The stench of alcohol – Jack Daniel's – invades his nose and he has to overstep puddles of the whiskey ruining the rug. He finds Naruto sprawled spread-eagle on their bed. The blue, blue eyes are wide and vacant and they no longer remind him of the sky he lives for. The golden halo is dull and lifeless and Sasuke has to look away from the sight of the broken angel.

He begins to cry. Sasuke has never cried before – not when he was sent away from Naruto to boarding school, to college. Not when his brother died. Not when he found Naruto again after eight long years; he did not cry in happiness even though he had wanted to more than anything. Not when his father forced him into having an unwanted relationship with that _woman_ who broke Naruto's heart and soul and life.

But Sasuke cries now. He cries for Naruto, for what they once had, for what they can never have again. He cries for the death of his angel and he cries for his own damned soul.

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**Review please!  
**I do NOT condone suicide, or the wrecking of personal property due to infidelity. Nor do I actually condone infidelity or polygamy itself. In fact, anyone who partakes in such can roast in hell as far as I am concerned. 


	7. Selfish

**Selfish**  
**Rated M; AU  
Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

**A/N:** Something a bit different this time. A much longer-than-usual, first person point-of-view account and a new take on things.

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I was fourteen when I fell in love with my best friend. 

He was, summarized in one word, perfection. He was beautiful, smart, and popular without trying. He was the boy every girl wanted, and the boy every other boy wanted to be.

He had throes of girls at school throwing themselves at his feet but he would always, without fail turn them down coldly, to leave them trudging sadly back to their excited huddle of friends pretending to be inconspicuous. He had guys attempt to be his friend in hopes that some of his cold, icy charm and beauty would rub off on their gangly awkward forms and to have girls look their way just because they were next to him. He turned them down too.

However, he and I had been friends since we were in pre-school – ten years ago. We always went to the same schools and always, without fail, he would sit next to me in every class we had together. We would always take our lunch side by side outside in the school garden, weather permitting. If the winter day was particularly cold, or if it was raining, or if the summer day was particularly unbearable, we would sneak food into the library and when we were found by the librarian, we took to sitting in the hidden alcove behind the art studios on the fifth floor.

I had always wondered why he chose to be with me, a loner when he had all the cool kids chasing after him. When I asked, all I got for an answer was a noncommittal grunt, an expressionless look barely masking his incredulity and anger, and a barely audible whisper of "_dobe_."

I had ignored the hated nickname in favor of the cherry blossoms that were raining pink snow all over our school uniforms. It was an especially lovely pink spring day. It was one of those days when nothing could ruin my good mood, not even the utterance of my best friend's favorite nickname for me, which always peeved me to no end. It was one of those days when I was truly happy because the sky was blue, the grass was green, the weather was warm, the birds were singing, I was in love with my best friend, and we hadn't had a fight in an entire week.

The moment was just too perfect to ruin by starting an argument.

* * *

I told him when we were fifteen. 

Well… it was more like… he just found out. He had this way of reading me like no one else could. One glance from those piercing eyes had me melting and blathering like the idiot he deemed me as. And I certainly was an idiot… an idiot who was hopelessly in love with him.

We had a bond, as cheesy as that sounds, where we could tell each other anything and everything. We knew what each other were thinking and we had this way of finishing each other's thoughts and sentences. It was the kind of bond that even telekinetic twins would be jealous of. But this was one thing I could never tell him.

Our friends had always thought our bond was cute. The girls would tease us and said things along the lines of, "they are like an old married couple." He was, of course, indifferent to whatever they said, usually giving no more reply than his customary "hnn." I, on the other hand, always blushed because there was so much more truth in those statements than they knew… well, at least, that was what my deluded mind convinced me of at the time. Hopeful thinking never hurt anyone.

Anyways, he had found out in the oddest way imaginable; I'm still unsure of exactly as to _how_ he did. We had this habit of fighting – a lot. And I mean the physical kind of fighting, not just petty arguments and bickers. We had a habit of planting fists into each other's faces when we were pissed off.

Well, I had always avoided hitting his face. It was just too damn fucking pretty. Those huge, slanted red-black eyes always made me think twice. Yes, red-black. I had never _ever_ seen anyone with eyes like his. They would shine red in the sun but normally, they were the deepest pits of hell-raising nebula-filled oblivion. Moving from the eyes, he also had a perfectly straight nose, not too big, not too small, not too pointy, and certainly not hooked. It was perfect, just like the rest of him. But his lips were what had always really halted my fist from getting acquainted with his face.

He had beautiful lips, the kind magazines would look for in models. They were pouty but always seemed to be turned down in some sort of frown. A frown that I'd wanted to kiss away since I was fourteen and in love.

We were in one of our ridiculous fights when he realized. Like always, he was quick to gain the upper hand and he sat on my stomach, a rare grin on his face, one that told me he forgave me for whatever stupid thing I had done to ignite the fight in the first place.

His laughter had stilled for a moment and as he looked down at me, he seemed to contemplate something beyond the realms of this dimension. Suddenly, his head bent and his lips were against my ear. I had shivered involuntarily.

"I know," he whispered.

Before I could ask him what exactly it was he knew, his lips were on mine and I had forgotten how to breathe. His lips were as soft as I had always imagined them to be, and his fingers were in my hair, and he was still sitting on top of me, and his tongue was in my mouth, and I had just stopped thinking.

* * *

I lost my virginity to him and he lost his to me when we were sixteen. 

We had been together since that kiss when we were fifteen and naïve and we thought we were ready to take it to the next level at the heralding of our prime teen years. Oh sure, we hadn't always been innocent children with shy kisses and simple hand holding but we hadn't really done anything like _sex_ before either.

Not the kind of sex that involved his cock up my ass, at any rate.

He had always had so much patience. I'd always been the impatient one. I'd wanted this sort of intimacy since that kiss… and probably even before that. But I waited because I would've done anything for him.

There was so much anxiety and so many expectations in the whole… thing. We'd expected it to be amazing, mind blowing, beautiful, stars exploding, planets rearranging, and Armageddon. We weren't anywhere close to prepared for what it was really like.

His kisses were searing hot and burning my skin. I reached up and tugged his face to mine and his tongue was in my mouth as soon as our lips touched. These actions were so familiar but every time we kissed, I felt the uncontrollable shivers, the heat coiling in the pit of my stomach, and the butterflies fluttering in my chest. Every time he kissed me, I fell in love with him all over again.

When we finally pulled apart, we were panting and desperately trying to suck in enough air to fill our lungs. Before I could even catch my breath, his lips were on me again, this time on my neck and all thoughts of air disappeared from my mind. All I could think of were those lips and that talented tongue attacking the pulse above my clavicle. My heart had dislodged from my chest to my throat and I couldn't breathe. All I could do was melt under his touch and whisper his name over and over like a mantra, pleading for him to continue.

His hands had slid from where they were clutched at my waist to my chest, and his nimble fingers undoing the buttons of the suffocating white shirt that served as our school uniform. I suddenly found myself naked, and hard, and pressed flushed against his nude body. We'd seen each other naked before but this time, I couldn't help but blush when his fingers gripped my hips as he lowered me onto his bed.

His white-hot kisses continued their burning path down my body. When he took me in his mouth, it was all I could do to not buck into that wet heat. Unlike the times before where he used his mouth, he pulled away before I came. Before I could utter my protests, his lips were back on mine and I could taste myself on his tongue.

I was almost insane with lust and love when he felt his hands on the inside of my thigh. His fingers found my entrance and I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped my lips at the sensation of having him, even just his fingers inside of me.

He leaned down and kissed me again when he removed his fingers. He had asked if I'd really wanted this. I couldn't help but laugh at his earnest face. I pulled him down for another sloppy, needy kiss and whispered that I wanted it. I had wanted it more than anything and I had wanted it for such a long, long time. Please, just hurry the fuck up.

I felt the shiver that raced down his spine.

When he finally pushed himself inside of me, inch by agonizing inch, all I felt was pain. It felt as though my spine was splitting in half as he filled me. His eyes were wild above me and his breathing was labored. He almost looked as though he regretted it; he knew it was hurting me.

I kissed him softly to tell him it was okay and he began to move, slowly pulling himself out before thrusting in again. I screwed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth to bear the agony. He kissed away the tears that leaked from my eyelids. My nails dug half moons into his back as he moved and a warm wetness began to trickle down my thigh. I was sure it was blood.

And then, with an alteration to his strokes, I felt him hit a spot that had me gasping and arching up off the bed. It was a pleasure I had never felt before, almost enough to make me forget the pain. The back-breaking agony soon ebbed away as he assaulted the spot that had me moaning wantonly and arching up to meet his thrusts.

When we came, we came together. I had screamed his named and he had cried out mine. The world was blinding white as the indescribable pleasure exploded throughout my body. It really was amazing, mind blowing, beautiful, stars exploding, planets rearranging, and Armageddon.

Unlike cheesy romance novels, there was no need for me to tell him in a delirious post-orgasm haze that I loved him. He knew that I did and I knew that he loved me back. That was enough.

* * *

I was seventeen when he died. 

He had never told me about his problems. He had never told me that his brother was the cold-blooded murdered who slaughtered his entire family. He had never shared anything with me and I had only realized that after his death.

I was too caught up in the present to realize how much he was hurting. I was too caught up in loving him to really care.

I often regretted how everything turned out. I often thought that maybe if I had paid more attention, he would still be alive? Maybe he wouldn't have taken his own life after he killed his brother then.

I was too blinded when I was with him. I thought he was happy because I was so goddamn happy that I didn't see anything but that happiness. I was so goddamn selfish.

But then again, so was he. He was so goddamn selfish to leave me with a simple note like that, beginning with "_Dear Naruto_," and ending without as much as a "_Love, Sasuke_."

Damnit, Uchiha Sasuke. You are so goddamn fucking _selfish_.

* * *

**Review please!**

**A/N: **Hi, I will be going to Otakon this upcoming weekend (July 20 - 22)! Is anyone else going?**  
**


	8. Selfless

**Selfless**  
**Rated M; AU  
Disclaimer**: _Naruto_ and its characters do not belong, in any way to the writer of this fanfiction. This fiction is written for non-profit reasons.  
All of the chapters/ short stories in this collection are not correlated in any way to any of the other chapters. There is no certain order and may often drift between AU and canon. Each can be read and interpreted independently.

**A/N:** This is a sequel of sorts to the previous one-shot in this collection: "Selfish."

* * *

I was fourteen when hate consumed my mind, my soul, and my very person. 

The very thought of revenge was an adrenaline rush for me. I was so damn close.

My brother… I don't even consider him to be any relation of mine anymore killed our family when I was eight. Up until this point, the thought of revenge was a small thought in the back of my mind. I had always known it would be hard, impossible even to take my revenge. He had always been stronger than me, better than me, always one step ahead of me. But that little dream of revenge had grown over the years and finally, it might just be possible. I'm stronger now, smarter and I might finally be better than he ever was.

The thought of revenge was the only thing occupying my mind now but the only one keeping me sane was my best friend. He was my sunshine, the only bright thing in the bleakness that is life.

He was the only one who could make me laugh and smile. His vivacious personality had all of those around him laughing and smiling. He made people happy, but no one was as happy around him as I was.

He was too modest to ever be aware of it but everyone who knew him fell in love with him, each in their own way. He asked me once why I would stay with him when I had all the cool kids in school after me. That was the stupidest thing he could have ever said. All around him were people vying for his attention, his kindness, his bright smile. He just didn't know.

So I didn't answer.

We had been friends for ten years now, since preschool and we have been together since that day when we were toddlers. We grew up together and he was all the happiness I knew. When everything fell apart around me, he was the only constant I had; he was the only person who could keep me smiling even when my soul was rendered from my body and consumed in the hellfire pit of revenge and despair.

During lunch one day in a cliché setting of petals from pink blossoms swirling in the spring breeze and the heavy scent of blooming flowers in the air, I realized that I loved him. But I couldn't have that. I couldn't have anything but revenge occupy my mind. Otherwise, all of my planning and efforts would be futile and once again, my brother would win. I cannot and will not have that.

I pushed all thoughts of anything but hate from my mind and allowed the dark abyss of vengeance consume my very person. I gladly gave my soul to the devil in exchange to see my brother dead.

* * *

I found him when I was fifteen. 

He was in a mental ward, the irony of ironies.

I sat before him, the flames of hate burning another portion of my heart away as I stared at him from across the table. If I had it my way, he would be dead then and there but I couldn't. Not yet… I had to be patient.

He leered at me from the other end of the table and it was all I could do not to tear him apart. His lips parted to mouth his hateful nickname for me, "foolish little brother." His eyes were mocking, his face expressionless.

His doctor was standing behind him so I could not ask the things I wanted. So I pretended. I pretended I was his caring little brother. I pretended that I was sympathetic of his _perfectly fucking sane_ "condition." I pretended that I still had a soul.

My eyes matched his; they were as cold and mocking as his. My face carried the same façade of stoicism. I knew his game well.

I knew he wasn't mentally deficient. My bastard of a brother was psychotic but he was not insane. He did not actually need to be in a mental facility; he was simply there to torment the other patients and to stay out of jail. It was also to ensure the fact that I could not get him there.

I laughed to myself. Well, brother, you're going to be surprised at just how I can and_will_ get you, even when you're in here playing your sadistic mind games.

When I left, I left in high spirits. As I walked out the door, I couldn't resist the temptation to turn back and whisper to him, "How the mighty have fallen, _Aniki_."

To make a good week even better, I came upon the realization that my best friend loved me back. It should have been obvious from the beginning but as my brother occupied my mind, little else was apparent to me.

We were in one of our silly fights. Like always, I was the victor. I had him pinned to the floor and I sat on his stomach, forcing him to surrender. I didn't realize I was laughing until he stared up at me, his eyes wide in surprise. He had told me earlier that I wasn't smiling or laughing anymore; that had prompted an argument which had led to this ridiculous fight.

Looking down at him, the sight of his golden hair and huge sapphire eyes took my breath away. The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. His lips looked so kissable then and there and it took every ounce of strength to resist.

His eyes grew wider when I stopped laughing and simply sat there – on top of him, no less – and drank in the sight of him beneath me, cheeks flushed, eyes wide, and chest heaving as though he could barely breathe.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against his ear. I didn't miss the shiver that raced down his spine and I smirked.

"I know," I told him.

Before he could ask me what I knew, I pressed my lips against his. His lips were soft and pliant and quickly opened to accommodate my tongue and suddenly, all thoughts of my brother and revenge vanished from my mind, even if for a brief moment because everything was right in the world for once.

* * *

I completed my plans when I was sixteen. 

My brother had progressively pretended to "get better." I knew he wanted to get out of the asylum soon. I knew he was after me and I also knew he was a sadistic bastard and would use any and every means to make me suffer before he killed me.

I knew he would use him: my best friend.

That was when my resolve strengthened and I realized I had to be selfless in order to protect him. I spent the entire year planning the demise of my brother.

I barely noticed my lover's jaded forlorn, sad expressions when he realized my constant distracted state. But I would always reassure him because after all, he was everything to me. I don't think I would be able to survive if he had ever left me so I gave him everything.

At first I didn't want to make love to him. No, that is a lie. I'd wanted that since I realized my love for him but I had always restrained because sex would lead us to a deeper connection that would make it so much harder for me to throw away everything to kill my brother. But the longer I was with him, the harder it was to restrain myself. I finally gave in because _I loved him so fucking much_.

Every time I kissed him made me want him more; the way his lips felt against mine made me forget about everything else. The way our tongues danced around each other made me feel as though my heart would burst from the love and want I had for this blond-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful lover.

Before I even realized what had happened, we were naked and pressed flush against each other on my bed and I was feverishly trying to devour every part of his body. The look on his face when I took him in my mouth was almost enough to make me come then and there. I knew he was close too so I pulled away and pressed my lips against his instead as my fingers traveled along his thigh.

The exquisite sounds that he made when I slipped one, two, three fingers into his tight entrance made me want to replace the digits with something else. It felt like an eternity before the expression of pain on his face was replaced by one of ecstasy.

I asked him if he really wanted this – I had to be sure but the expression on his face was answer enough. I shivered involuntarily when he pulled me down for a needy kiss and whispered that he wanted it more than anything and that he'd waited for such a long, long time. Please hurry the fuck up.

I didn't need to be told twice.

I pushed myself into him slowly, as not to tear his tender flesh. The tightness of him was driving me insane and it was all I could do to not immediately take him to the hilt but I knew it was hurting him.

He kissed me softly to tell me it was okay as I began to move. The first few thrusts made him close his eyes as tears of pain leaked from beneath his lashes. I kissed those away and tried to ignore the pain _he_ was giving me from the nails that he dug into my back. Then, I finally found the spot that made him arch off the bed in pleasure. The look on his face and the way he moved to meet my thrusts brought me that much closer to the edge.

When we came, we came together as we cried out each other's names. The world was blinding white as the indescribable pleasure exploded throughout my body. It was amazing, mind blowing, beautiful, stars exploding, planets rearranging, and Armageddon.

I didn't tell him I loved him. That would be selfish of me: to tell him something like that when I planned to do everything I had to in order to kill my brother – even take my own life in the process.

But I was sure he knew that I loved him anyways.

* * *

I was seventeen when I died.

I met my brother the day he was released from the asylum. I had been speaking to his doctors and knew exactly when he would leave the institution so I went in the SUV our parents left us to pick him up. Under the watchful eyes of the attendants and doctors, I knew my brother would not refuse to get into the car with me.

I smiled sadly as we drove down the highway. I would finally have my revenge. But would it really be worth it?

Seeing my brother's face answered that little nagging doubt. Yes, it would be worth it, I decided as the car careened off the road with the both of us in it.

It wasn't so much revenge anymore. I was doing this to protect him: my lover, my friend, my life. He would be in constant danger if Itachi was able to roam free. He would kill him to destroy me; after all, he had destroyed everything important to me in the past. I was doing this because even though I'd been selfishly consumed in hatred all these years, I would finally be selfless. I would give myself to protect the people important to me.

My last thought as the SUV exploded upon impact with the side of the cliff was Naruto.

"_Dear Naruto,  
I'm sorry.  
Love, Sasuke."_

* * *

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